Q: When is the best season to learn Judo?
A: Just before the fall.
Q: Why did the artist come to the Judo Tournament?
A: He was hoping there would be a draw.
Q: When is a Judo referee like a telephone operator?
A: When he makes a call.
Q: Why is a skeleton afraid to do break falls?
A: He just doesn't have the guts.
Q: Why does your Sensei wear a black belt?
A: To keep his gi together.
A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool next to a smaller fellow.
The smaller guy looks at the first guy, grabs him by the arms and neck, and says "That's a choke-hold from Judo" and
lets go. The first guy, figuring that the little guy is just a bit drunk, lets it slide.
Two minutes later, he finds himself in another hold, and the little fellow says "That's a secret bracing hold in Karate." Now the guy is getting a little steamed, but he lets it pass.
Five minutes later, the little fellow jumps on him again, and puts him in another compromising position. He says "That's a
Death Move in Tae Kwon Do."
Now the guy is angry and quickly leaves the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back into the bar, and the little fellow is still at the bar, waiting for another drink. The guy walks up to him, and before the little fellow can move, he lunges at him, his arm flying out from behind his back. The little fellow falls off of his stool, and is out cold.
He turns to the bartender and says "That was a monkey wrench from Sears!"
YOU MIGHT BE A JUDO PLAYER IF...
1. You think sweating builds character.
2. You don't mind having more bruises than medals.
3. You think nothing worth while comes easily....and you're ok with that.
4. You think teamwork means actually helping each other.
5. You think mixing it up is a way to have a good time.
6. You miss wrestling season.
7. You can get slammed on your back.....and laugh.
8. You think safety is as important as learning to apply pain.
9. You think learning to fall helps you learn to throw people.
10. You have more potential than you realise.
11. You want to wrestle competitively......but you re a girl.
12. You think traveling to tournaments is a vacation.
13. You want to interrupt your summer for the Hoosier State Games.....and win.
14. You can get thrown by a smaller player......and you don't mind.
15. You think your family includes people that you're not even related to.
16. You think the slogan No pain, no gain hasn't been overused yet.
17. You spend more time planning for a healthy diet then you do for a date.....
18. ......because your date is practicing too.
19. You actually need calories!!
20. You take your child to practice because you re in the same class.
21. You can pivot on one bent leg while sweeping with the other...but you can't dance.
22. Your wedding day is the same day as the Nationals.....so you're late to one event.
23. You remember your wedding anniversary as the day after the big tournament.
24. Your honeymoon was a trip to the Midwest Open in Joliet, Ill.
25. You think your spouse understands . (yeah, right!!)
26. You think "mutual welfare and benefit" means taking turns strangling each other to the point of unconsciousnes.
27. Whilst cuddling with the opposite sex, you find yourself thinking, "Wow, he/she's wide-open for an armbar."
28. You just don't feel right unless your body feels like a six-ounce steak after a hard session with the tenderiser.
29. Your list of desirable qualities in the opposite sex includes: "attractively placed gi burns on the face and neck," "never
submits until arm is ready to break," and "wicked drop seoi-nage."
30. People refuse to hug you, shake your hand, etc., because you never let go until they tap out or someone yells "Matte!"
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KIDS' LITTLE INSTRUCTIONS ON LIFE
Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, Age 10
When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. Matthew, Age 12
Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. Andrew, Age 9
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. Rocky, Age 9
Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. Stephanie, Age 8
Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Rosemary, Age 7
Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower. Lamar, Age 10
Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your
parents are doing taxes. Carrol, Age 9
Never bug a pregnant mum. Nicholas, Age 11
Don't ever be too full for dessert. Kelly, Age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Heather, Age 16
Never tell your mum her diet's not working. Michael, Age 14
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel, Age 12
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on
the phone. Alyesha, Age 13
Never try to baptize a cat. Laura, Age 13
Never do pranks at a police station. Sam, Age 10
Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. Rob, Age 10
Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom
told you to do. Hank, Age 12
Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. Molly, Age 11
Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. Chelsey, Age 7
Stay away from prunes. Randy, Age 9
Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. Phillip, Age 13
Forget the cake, go for the icing. Cynthia, Age 8
Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and grandma's
house. Joanne, Age 11
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